A Word

I like the uncluttered and free-flowing nature of this. It's striking and powerful as a result, but it doesn't feel inadequate or incomplete.

Not exactly a Haiku in the truest sense of the form (see my comment on MadHatch's critique), but as a short poem it packs a weight that possibly belies its simplicity and initial imagery.

I think the 3 words that you chose work very well together. I also think that the balancing of the shorter lines around the central one add to it's strength.

I have been trying to think of something to say to enable you to improve this kind of technique. And I'm coming up blank!